How Do I Tell My Child We’re Getting Divorced?
Divorce is always a challenging and emotional time for families, especially when there are children involved. As parents, one of the most crucial tasks during this period is to make sure we are having honest and age-appropriate conversations with your child about what’s happening. I know that can feel overwhelming, so I’m here to break down some concrete tips and steps about how to tell your child we’re getting divorced in a way that promotes safety and security.
Preschool Age (3-5 years)
While preschoolers may not fully grasp the concept of what divorce means, children this age can certainly pick up on changes in their environments and routines at home. Here are some tips on navigating this conversation with this age group:
Keep it Simple and Factual: Use simple language, no need to get into details or over-explain. Be short and direct, for example “Mom and Dad are getting a divorce and won’t be living together anymore.”
Reassure Them: This is key, really for all age groups! Be direct in letting them know that the divorce is not their fault and that both parents still love them very much.
Routine and Stability: Keep consistency where you can and even though you may want to move away from routine for emotional reasons, kids adapt and thrive best when they have predictability.
Elementary School Age (6-11 years)
Children in this age group will have a better understanding of relationships and may have more questions for you as parents. Here’s how to approach it:
Honesty: Be honest about the situations, but don’t share too many “adult level” details or speak negatively about the other parent.
Encourage Expression: Allow them to feels and express whatever feelings arise and normalize this as part of the process.
Reassure: Let them know that both parents are there for them and it’s not their fault.
Teens (12-18 years old)
Teens are more likely to understand the complexities of divorce and may experiences a range of intense emotions. Here’s how to support them:
Open Communication: Encourage their feelings and questions, be prepared to discuss some themes, but again no need to speak negatively of the other parent.
Validate their Feelings: Let them know whatever feelings they may be having are valid and okay.
Respect their Privacy: They may need to process this information more independently or with their support system of peers. Let them know the door is open and check-in with them frequently.
Amongst all of these suggestions, the best way to navigate these conversations is to have strength in your co-parenting relationship. Being united in your conversations and listened actively to your children is a huge predictor in their resiliency through this trying season.
I understand that divorce is a grieving process for all involved and may require extra support individually, as co-parents, for the family or for the child/teen(s) that are affected. If you need extra support in navigating this process, I encourage you to reach out for help.
Contact our office for a free 15 minute phone consultation today to learn more information: deanna@radiantlifecounselingaz.com.
